Saturday, September 23, 2006

It's easier when you learn to accept

I have accepted the reality of my disorder.

I went through my whole life and tried to understand the rhythm and rhyme that the disorder had on my beng as a person. I found out that there was indeed a rhythm in its occurence. A 2 - 3 year resonance that had a very scary hold on me.

With this realization, I decided to be open about my disorder. I would tell people that I would be working with about my disorder and explained it to them that it did not matter to me at all if they would stop working with me. What concerned me more was when they decided to work with me.

The disorder has a very unpredictable behavior in the short term. I would not now when the shifts wouyld come and how. But the 2- 3 year trend that I had observed helped me more or less pin things down.

Right now, I am on my way to the deep end. This trip could go all the way to after Christmas. Scary, right. But riding this downward spiral is a nice trip after all. It's like going down on a roller coaster ride. You can't stop the fall, so you just enjoy the ride and scream your lungs till your hoarse with laughter when you hit the bottom.

Nice thing is, you never get off this roller coaster.

So learn to accept it and tell other about the ride, so they will understand and keep you company too.

hahaha! I'll be posting some more in the comin days.

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