Wednesday, October 22, 2008

From the Deep. . . into the Edge then Back Again

I went out to venture into the deep end to get myself out of the world inside my mind. The journey took me to places that really scared the shit out of me, but made me confront the forces haunting the dark corners of the inner world.

The trip back brought me to the EDGE. I then decided to step out into the Abyss, just to let things finally go and take the natural and logical end. Yet, the light of the PROMISE cast bright colors into the Abyss. I lost the motivation to take the step into darkness. I was given courage to take hold of the light given by the PROMISE.

I will in no way cast pain on my PROMISE because he is all I have got. And he is my and my Lords delight.

Back from the edge, I slowly crawled to get my bearings on the top of the reality the rest of humanity calls life. I knew off hand of tasks that had to be done and finished. The strength and energy to carry my share of the load, took quite some time to come.

When I was just about to get ready to move, I met one of my sentinels who asked me to do something some time back. This sentinel got so infuriated at me, I was asked to go on and jump off the edge & into the abyss. This was an act so unexpected from a sentinel. For sure there are reasons for that. But what ever that is, it is an excuse. Because for us who travel this path, sentinels are our only hope of ever getting back.

This time, I will have no need of one.

The pain I went through was hard to bear, but I had to endure this nightmare. I have become stronger and more determined to move on with my travels. To remind me of the pain this sentinel inflicted on me . . . I burned my self at the tip of forgetting.

So now, I move on.

1 comment:

Iri said...


I came across your blog and wanted to say hello. My name is Iri Amirav and I am a co-founder at iMedix. iMedix is a website that helps hundreds of thousands of patients every month and we’ve recently decided to form a Support Group for Bipolar patients:

I am looking for leaders who will be interested to start and manage this group with me and thought you might be a good person to speak with about finding patients in need. I would love to speak with you and tell you more about who we are and what we are trying to accomplish.

Please feel free to contact me by email. In addition, you can find me on the iMedix website under the nickname irus.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.