back from the cold

it's been some time since i wrote something here.
i've had a life or what ever is left of it.
been "busy" pretending to be busy.

this time i think i'm in the dumps. feel like really going away this time.... for good.
no turning back.

but i feel so scared of hurting JED. he is all that I have now.

many things have happened, yet I'm just running so hard to stay in place.

i really do not know where i will be next week, or how i;ll ever get to where i want to go.