My Two Worlds

I somehow live in two worlds. Both are so different from each other, yet so real to me. I just realized this recently. Moving in and out of each to be in the other has taken a toll on me. I have wasted so much time.

Yet, I really do not know how to stay in only one instead of both. I am completely aware that only one world is visible to those who know me - the Other World, while the other one - the Mind World- only exists inside my head.

The Mind World helps me survive the times I am in deep pain, yet I feel I have to leave this world behind. The comforts this world offers me only serve to make my situation worse.

But the pain I go through in the Other World is so unbearable for me.

The existence of these two different worlds seems to perpetuate the condition I am in. I have to make a choice now, even if it really hurts.

To Stand . . . then Walk

The effort needed to rise up after a fall is full of pain. Staying down seems better than getting up. Exerting effort to rise up again takes time, and sometimes one lacks the needed strength to rise and keep standing. Staying down becomes THE comfortable choice.

To rise up and stand means to take the next logical step - to move and walk. To get engaged with the world around. Which can be really scary.

Feeling so alone can make a person choose to stay down. To stand up and face the world again can be full of pain. Loneliness magnifies the pain and makes wounds heal longer, if ever it heals.

You may say that these are just excuses. These are NOT! These are real causes why a lot of people choose to stay down.

To summon the strength to stand up and walk is in itself a triumph of the human will. A testament of a persons determination to stare life in the eye and the courage of the spirit within to withstand the storms of life.

Life is about falling and standing up just one more time, learning to walk, then run and perhaps fly. I can dream of soaring up high in the clouds, or running with the wind, or just taking a leisurely walk at a beach at the evening of my life. At that time each bright star in the dark sky will celebrate every moment I decided to rise up, stand and choose to take that step again.

. . . .and it won't matter if I'm alone.

To Stand . . . again

I have been in the dumps before. Always have. Every year the same thing happens. I was hoping this year would be different. Sadly, no. The only consolation I have now, is my awareness and determination to stand up once again. Plus the realization to plan better and look way ahead.

This blog is about me coping with Bipolar Disorder and how the disorder affects me so much. I know I have to change my point of view about my life by changing how I think about my life and the presence of Bipolar Disorder.

I have passed by the abbys already. I have reached the edge of the opposite banks. Once again I find myself crawling on my knees, weak and struggling, finding it hard to summon the strength to stand up. But I know, this time, I will stand up and walk . . . . and then do what I have not done before . . . RUN WITH THE WIND . . . and FLY to realize my dreams.

Life is too short to be spent in the dumps. Each day to precious to waste ruminating on the past. Each moment so fleeting to be wasted on regrets.

I shall create moments of Joy and Laughter with every breath. Then so shall my life be a CELEBRATION!